You’ll never understand me.
You’ve pushed me to the limit.
You can’t even let me do what I want to do, and you’ve even bitched at me for it and proclaim it’s my fault.
You have no respect for me.
I regret staying here. I regret being here cause this always happens.
I hate you.
Why am I trying so hard for someone who will never make me theirs?
You say I’m playing mind games? You’ve been playing that since the fucking beginning. “I’ll send you home if you’re my girlfriend but you’re just a nobody.”
Trying so hard to be yours but now reality hits me in the face and all along, you’ve just been playing w me. Claiming that I will be yours, but I’ll never be.
Should you try and make the effort for someone who doesn’t try or do the same for you?
I can find so much you in me, but none of me in you.
Why? Because you’re not afraid to lose me. Because I think you’re not trying for me at all right now. So what if you already tried once? You’re only gonna try once for me?
Then I don’t know if I should believe the words you’ve said.
Shouldn’t you keep trying even tho’ you get rejected? … That’s not what I see for your efforts towards me.
/ & now, all of these negative thoughts come flowing in as well….
You’re not helping at all.
Am I really that much of a pain to handle?
I know you’re making the first move by trying to hug me and saying sorry, but the truth is, when you told me to shut up, I was already holding it in.
All those tears and shitty feelings in so it doesn’t hafta come out.
And if you think that you can just make a “joke”, say sorry when I start to get mad when what you’ve did before made me wanna cry, then you’re wrong. I’m not giving in.
& You said you’ll give me blanket… And I believed you, but you deceived me.
Hits me back down to reality of everything that we’ve been doing.
Hard, cold reality once again.
When really, all I’m asking for, is for you to come and get me again.
But I guess I’m not worth that much of your attention for you to come and get me again.
& it hurts so much towards me even tho’ I didn’t start anything in the beginning.
All I am, is a slave.
Either both or us, or none.
Why? Because I have to accept that they were gonna talk and I’d have to trust them but he already kicked me out of his house and I’m just stuck here… I don’t wanna take the bus cause I’m crying and he’s not driving me home so I’m just sitting on the pavement right now doing nothing.
Both of us or none.
& He puts their friendship first… Why? Because he makes her happy whereas I don’t.
I don’t make him happy at all whereas she does.
My heart is in such a pain.
I keep trying to go back to where I was before but you’re the trigger that keeps shooting my heart.
& you don’t seem to understand that.